i spent my drive time this afternoon & evening dreaming of what i imagine hanging in our home, & it’s not all perfect, smiley, well lit portraits.

Who could’ve guessed that the “Mr. & Mrs. Cole” I grew up in church with would become my best friends as I entered adulthood & be such an influential part of our life & marriage.

not everyone is made to work for themselves, but some are. the ones who want freedom & will do the work to earn it, the ones who have fear, but choose to fight it anyway so they can have something better than they have right now.

meals are sacred in our family. we share them as often as we can back home, piling as many of us as possible around tables inevitably too small. we just want to be near each other. we want to delight in each other’s presence.

I wasn’t prepared for this. we were going to drink coffee & talk. death. that wasn’t going to be a part of this trip. I... I don’t know what to say. 

I wish he never had to leave. for years I would throw my arms around his neck every morning, “no, don’t go” in dramatic fashion with exaggerated sadness expressed in my brows. he’d agree, saying yes, this would be the day he would finally give up all responsibility and stay in bed with me forever. but inevitably, he’d be out to door each morning to do what he must.