October 2nd, 2019

we weren’t supposed to get a photo today. well, last night we had briefly discussed getting an early morning portrait before he left for work, but we both knew that wouldn’t really happen. it’s not often that I get up at the same time as Matthias. typically, he dresses and then comes back to bed to tuck me in and kiss me goodbye before leaving for work. I wish he never had to leave. for years I would throw my arms around his neck every morning, “no, don’t go” in dramatic fashion with exaggerated sadness expressed in my brows. he’d agree, saying yes, this would be the day he would finally give up all responsibility and stay in bed with me forever. but inevitably, he’d be out to door each morning to do what he must. it was much easier when what he had to do was school. he’s had his career now for 15 months and it never gets easier saying goodbye so early in the morning.


this afternoon I left for Austin to be with Nana. I wasn’t supposed to see him again before my trip, but it worked out that I could stop by his work on my way out — in our mismatched clothes (professional versus road trip attire) we took our photo between our cars in his workplace parking lot. it’s a moment. not a perfect portrait we’d hang on a wall. but a memory I won’t forget. him loving me enough to do this self portrait series with me means the world.