One week with Willow

I forgot my camera for what was supposed to be our dinner & a small family shoot. We decided to wing it anyway with my iPhone & honestly I love the way they turned out 🥹

Also, look when Ethan & Hannah Joy were just lil almost-wed bebes

The gap between who I am and who I want to be

It’s unlikely anyone would ever describe me as gentle.

Persuasive. Thoughtful. Up for a challenge. Consistent. Yes.

But gentle? Hasn’t really ever been on my radar.

It’s not that I’ve never acted with gentleness, and it is a character quality I admire in others.

I guess a part of me felt has always felt like it is for other women... women who were created with gentler demeanors. (I’m laughing about this right now.)

I’m recognizing in my motherhood the huge gap between who I am and who I want to be. The woman I am on the inside -- the grateful, exuberant, joyful human I feel like -- doesn’t translate well to the outside of me.

While my insides feel like an easily bruised piece of fruit, I generally have a harsh look and presence.

But I don’t want that to be true of me.

I am recognizing that I can change and truly want to. I want to be a gentle person, mostly because I want to be a gentle mother.

I want my children to look up from where they’re playing and feel adoration when they meet my eyes. From across a room I want them to feel with my glances that they are treasured, desired, seen, unconditionally loved. It sounds like a lot to expect from a silent expression, but I’ve felt that look before. I’ve had it, from my mom, a sister, my husband. Even my toddler.

The softness a gentle person adds to a room is hard to describe. I only know it because I’ve been around these rare and beautifully soft people. I want to be one of them.

I have words for 2023. I haven’t done that in years. But the words knocked on the door of my heart and let themselves in before I even had a chance to consider whether or not they could stay.  (I’ve been reading a lot of children’s books and in my minds eye I’m seeing Pooh Bear, making himself at home in Rabbit’s hole, helping himself to a pot of honey.)

Gentle.

Laughter.

Those are my words (intentions, focus, prayers) in 2023.

This year I want to be a soft light in the rooms I walk in to. I want my boys and husband to receive all the benefits of my surrendering daily. Letting down my guard, letting out more light, trusting God to fill me to overflowing with the fruits of His spirit.

Tucking in

Look how precious this prayer is for your children 🥹

Jesus, bless their feet, may they bring good news.
 Bless their legs, may they carry on in times of suffering.
 Bless their backs, may they be strong enough to bear the burdens of others.
 Bless their arms to hold the lonely, and their hands to do good work.
 Bless their necks, may they turn their heads toward the poor.
 Bless their ears to discern truth, their eyes to see beauty, and their mouths to speak encouragement.
 Bless their minds, may they grow wise.

And finally, bless their hearts, may they grow to love you — and all that you have made — in the right order.
 Amen.

Oh man. 🥹

I didn’t write it. I found it a while back and loved it so much that I shared it with some friends & family, and kept it in my notes so I wouldn’t lose it.

I don’t pray it word for word over the boys, well, ever, really. (I did the first time.) But I was inspired by the format of prayer and use it often when I’m tucking the boys in.

The boys are never peaceful or quiet during nighttime reading or prayer, so instead of being annoyed at their energy I try to engage them when we do this so we love our routine and don’t dread it.

Often it’ll look like…

* putting my hands on theirs* Bless their hands, may they serve the orphans and the widows

(giggle giggle)

* holding their feet* Bless their feet, may they be brave enough to follow you wherever you call, Lord

(does a 180° under their blanket)

*kissing their heads* Bless their minds, may they think on what is true and good

(more kisses! more!)

*touching near their lips* Bless their mouths, may they always speak words of love and life and kindness

(momma, tickle me!)

*putting my hand over their heart* Bless their hearts, let them be set on the truth and have a desire for you

Inevitability they’re wriggling, giggling, asking me to grab their feet again or for another kiss. I imagine Jesus loves watching them and their routine, even though they don’t focus. They don’t get it right now, but someday they will.